I have three brothers. A lot of
people don’t realize this, especially since all three of us haven’t lived in
the same state since 1972. The youngest of them is 10 years and 10 days older
than I am; either one of the older two could have been my dad – they would have
been the same age my dad was when he had
them (18 and 19 respectively). That whole being a dad of two boys by the
age of 19 business really begs another blog. But I digress.
There are a lot of really
interesting things about this here internet age we have going on. I admit to
daily Facebook noodling, mostly observing, sometimes commenting, uploading the
odd picture of the rare Phoenix rainstorm. Playing Words With Friends. Finding out that someone I haven’t seen in real life in 20 years is going to the
podiatrist. Fairly normal stuff.
This summer my oldest brother
procured a FB page. He has seven friends on it, of which yours truly is one.
I’m not really sure why he took the plunge into the cyberpool, but I find it
fascinating in a rather voyeuristic way. You see, my older brothers and I don’t
really communicate much, especially since my mom died. I can lay blame for this – I have a mirror.
But I always knew deep down that she was the thread knitting our dysfunction
together, and once she was gone it would all unravel. Sometimes I hate being
right.
The other one of my older brothers I have
chosen rather decidedly not to communicate with on account of me wanting to
retain what’s left of my sanity (he can be troublesome). But those two older brothers are FB friends. I
am only ‘friends’ with the oldest, and we have only communicated on Facebook
long enough to bemoan yet another frustrating season for the Mets, and for him
to admonish me not to cheer for the Diamondbacks when I went to the Mets game
here in Phoenix (I cheered for both - I’m an equal opportunity fan). He’s the
reason I am a Mets fan, after all, so that makes sense. But I can see who both of these guys are
friends with, and can view a little bit about what they’re allowing world to
know about who they are. Apparently this is very little in the oldest brothers
case (I have a feeling he was pressured into this whole Facebook gizmo – he has
a teenaged son). But Brother Trouble has some interesting friends, and a life
so very far away from me in so many ways that I have to keep reminding myself
that we’re related. You could LOOK at us and see that we’re family. I have always
thought that he and I looked the most alike out of all four of us. Except I
have hair. So far.
The 10 year older brother has
told me that he flat out refuses to get a FB page, he doesn’t want anyone
knowing anything extra about him and he’s not really that interested in anyone
else either, for that matter. He’s that much like my dad, “Mr. Anonymity”. Both
of my parents were almost obsessively private. I’ve inherited a bit of that in
odd ways. For example, I don’t ever want a vanity license plate or a particularly
noticeable vehicle – I guess that’s so I can make a quick escape if
necessary. But I don’t care who knows if
I walked through the park and took a picture of a goose. If anyone cares enough
to look at it then more power to them.
I guess what I’m driving at here
is that, but for the grace of Facebook, I would have no idea what is going on
AT ALL in the lives of the two older ‘boys’. Of course I love them both, and of
course I want them both to be happy and healthy. One in particular I would like
to be happy and healthy and live closer to me, but clearly the decision was
made lo those 40 some-odd years ago that he would be a New Yorker, Amen. The
other…I see him searching. He isn’t searching for me, but that’s ok. I wonder
if he checks out my pages, my photos, my friends. I wonder why this is as close
as we can get to each other. So odd, for people who started out in the same
home, from the same gene pool.
It’s kind of fun to pull back
away from our social network, and think about what it is we’re really doing.
What it is we’re substituting – and why. I see more of my family – cousins and
brothers – on Facebook than I do live and in person anymore. I don’t expect I will ever see the ‘strange
and estranged’ brother again in real life at all. It seems that, just as I have
done, he has made his own family out of people to whom he is not related. And
that’s ok. As I said – I want happiness above all, even for Brother Trouble.
